The Chronicles of Gilbert
by AtypicalKai
Summary: Let me guess. You're sick of the typical OCs who get all the guys and the author just tries way too hard to make them likeable, but you still want to sneak a peek at the inside life of the Vongola. Well, meet Gilbert. The impeccable Mafia housefly. Drabble series. Enjoy!
1. Meet, Gilbert

'**Ello! I have no idea where this idea came from. Maybe it's me trying to change the world of OCs, or maybe it's just a switch up from the usual stories. As you know, drabble series can be updated whenever so there's really no pressure, but you can also make drabble series as fun and sporadic as you want because, there's no real plotline and…you can just have a blast with it. Taking requests and all. So I hope you give it a chance. It sounds weird. In all seriousness it is weird. But, ya know, it's not something to be taken serious. It's something fun.**

**Disclaimer: For once I own a freakin' character! Yet, again, it's kind of spoiled by the fact that it's the only character I do own. Ah, well…**

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Oh no. Up. Down. Left. Under. The blonde one is after me again. I just don't understand. Can't a housefly live in peace with the residents. No one else minds, and there's more than enough room.

Whoops! Almost got me with that one. Excuse me for this rushed meeting. As soon as I get under the fridge…! Ah, there. Now, to properly introduce myself.

Hi, I'm Gilbert. I, as you may have guessed, am a housefly. I've been living around a certain group of people for about nine months. Well, actually two groups of people, but I'll get back to that later.

What I know about my past is that when I was very small, a larva to be precise, I was caught in one of Verde's experiments. It was to change the DNA of a Musca domestica as he called it, so that they could live several hundred times the original lifespan. Which means that instead of living for 15 to 30 days, I get to stay around for a lot longer. Appearance-wise, I'm five millimeters long with blue eyes. Ladykiller, right?

Anyways, about my current living situation, I bounce back between the Vongola and the Varia. You know, the mafia groups. I tend to do this to avoid being noticed. I mean here the blonde one always wants to kill me, and back at the Vongola, the dynamite loving one wants to kill me. I know their names, but my memory tends to fail me at times. Short attention span and all.

Which brings me to the situation at hand. I live a pretty exciting life around these people, and well…I don't want to forget it. As much as they shout, argue, and fight, it gives a lot of definition to the life of a mutant housefly. So this morning, I came to a solution. I want to share these memories and not forget them. So, the best solution I found would be a diary.

A couple of my…roommates you could say have them; both here and in Japan. I came across a few problems. Like, I don't know how to write nor can I, and the vlogging life is impossible without a camera small enough to carry around with me. But no matter how weird and crazy it sounds, my only diary option is mental. Saying things aloud helps you remember and uh, yeah. I talk to myself.

And you **(A/N: the reader)**will play the part of my conscience.

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**Love it, hate it, appreciate it?**

**Let me know how you feel in the review section.**

**Ciao~!**


	2. Dinnertime!

'**Ello! HSB here again with the second installation of my first ever drabble series. Thank you Aines445 and HalcyonNight for your feedback. They were wonderful, splendorous, lovely, and awesome! So detailed~ Uh, I must be dreaming. Not to forget about Snowyh2o who had the brilliant request, which will be coming ;). So glad that y'all are taking a likin' to the fic. I can only hope that this chapter will make you smile just as much, if not more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KHR, but I'll fight tooth and nail for my 'OC'. Capisce?**

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**Dinner**

So the first aspect of my life to show you will be dinnertime. It is my favorite part of the day, after all. Everyone is gathered together, all prepared to spend some quality time with their family in the dining room that is just so cozy and homely.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the food. I am unashamed to say that I eat. A lot.

The process is a bit disturbing, but you're my conscience, you deserve to know. Ah, I love this already. I get to share even my oddest quirks with someone! I'm currently making my way to the dining room and it smells like pork cannelloni. You see, most flies eat liquids through the little straw on our faces, but I'm unique and enjoy eating solid food. Like a gentleman. Back to the process, I select my choice of food and drag it to my seat. There, I vomit a few digestive juices onto it, wait for it to soften, and bon appetit! Delicious.

Enough of that, I'm nearly late! I have to hurry or else I'll miss the best part.

_**O**_

My seat is found on the chandelier. There I can watch everyone without being tormented by the creepy guy with the knives. Yes, I recall his name now. Belphegor. Eh, the way it rolls off my tongue gives me the shivers. Creepy name for a creepy person… but then again who am I to judge.

SLAM!

Ack! Balance. Balance. Balance. Oh wait, I can fly. Hehehe, whoops.

Well, Xanxus is here. He's the boss of the Varia, and _really _cranky. Then in comes Levi. Um, he's…dedicated to his boss, to put it lightly. Hmm, I don't remember the next one's name. But…he's really fun!

"Vooiiiii! Where's the food."

And loud.

Ooh, another favorite is Fran. He comes in next. I love how he acts so calm and nonchalant, unlike his companion who's – AHH!

"Voi! Stop throwing knives at the chandelier, brat! You're gonna kill us all."

"Ushishi~, the prince saw a nuisance."

"No, you _thought_ you saw something, sempai. That's the difference between our sanity and your complete lack of it."

"Shut up, frog."

S-s-s-sorry. It's j-just t-that h-h-he's c-c-completely insane. I mean yeesh! How can you have a personal vendetta against a fly? There are a million others who look just like me (stereotyping on my part) but he doesn't give them the time of day. Only me. Not that I don't mind the attention.

Hm, that seems to be all of them, except for Mammon, but he got here before I did. I'd tell you how I figured out his gender, but that's a whole other story.

Okay, now that I've introduced my roomies. It's time to check on the food. I always do this so I can enter with Lussuria – oh I forgot to introduce you to him! He's in the kitchen preparing dinner.

_Squeeze._ Whew, I need to lay off the gelato. I'm getting too big to fit through the door cracks.

Now that's talent. I, for the life of me, can't understand how he manages to carry all of those platters into the dining room in one trip. I can't even carry two pieces of bread at once, and I have six legs! Though, I'm sure opposable thumbs contribute somewhere in that. Thumbs are cool. I wish I had thumbs. All I have are stumps, but I guess stumps are cool, too. Squalo has one. Ooh, I remembered his name!

Nyah! Lussuria is leaving without me! I do not need to squeeze through another door crack. Or miss dinner for that matter.

_**O **_

So here we are. A big happy family. Busted belts reflecting dopey smiles stuck on our faces. Half-hearted jokes flying about every now and then. The air is simply thick with contentment. Just the way it should be. Now would be about the time that we drag our heavy tummies to bed, but…

"Dessert~!"

…it seems we're not yet finished.

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**Did you like it? It was almost too long! Haha, I had so much fun, too. Getting into character and all…my pants are on backwards.**

**Well, let me know what you thought and if you have any questions or requests?**

**Ciao~!**


	3. Sour Sweets

'**Ello! So about the wait…hehehe…BLAME IT ON SCHOOL. Also, let me get straight to the point here, if I ever said that there was a method to this madness let it be untrue because…I have no clue where this came from. Oh! And how ya likin' the name change, eh?**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own KHR, and from now on the first disclaimer will be basis for the entire fic. (I'm lazy…)**

**Muchacho!**

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**Sour Sweets**

Let it be said, that candy is a necessity around the Varia.

Sour candy in particular is a favorite. Personally, I would rather not indulge but it is rather fun to watch. From a safe distance of course.

I went out with Luss today and he happened to pick up a pack of Warheads. Big mistake. Funny. But a big mistake.

You know why? Belphegor (the evil one if you're wondering) _loves _them. So when we came in the door, he bomb-rushed us! It was quite terrifying because I just so happened to be hitching a ride in the bag it was carried in. But don't worry, I'm fine. These wings and supersonic reflexes aren't for nothin'!

I think that's a double negative, but it's cool because we're buddies. We can be illiterate with each other!

But back to the creep. It's like he has this built-in sensor that makes it so he can smell candy from a mile away. Then he pounces on whatever unfortunate soul who happens to be in the general vicinity. Who is this unfortunate soul 90% of the time? Me.

But I don't mind. 'Cause the show is aaaaall worth it.

Take now as an example, he's already ripping into the first package and stuffing his face. Now is also the time that I start moving far, far away. I don't want to be in the line of fire when he starts lashing out. 'Cause you know what else? He didn't read the label. Hehehe, he probably thinks it chocolate that he's stuffing down his throat. That is until…

"Mmm, -gag- "

"Bel honey, is something wrong~?"

"-gag- you dare poison the -gag-"

Some might say I'm cruel for finding happiness in seeing a man attempt to give himself the Heimlech, and I would too, but you don't know the things he's done to me!

Fly traps.

Insect bombs.

Fly swatters.

Hoses.

Bow and arrows.

Footballs.

Tiaras.

I've survived it all.

Knives.

I still have a scar from that one.

So yes, I believe that I deserve to see Belphegor choke on a couple sour candies. C'mon, don't we all have our vices?

Aah, sour, sour revenge. It never tasted so sweet.

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**Don't be surprised! You all knew Gilbert had at least **_**one**_** guilty pleasure. But this of course is one of many! Muahahaha! Jk, he's still a little angel. I just happened to be eating sour candies while writing this.**

**Oh, and guys! You don't have to do long detailed reviews. Forgive me for my carelessness. I love them all the same! **

**Ciao~!**


	4. Box Weapons

**For those of you who have read Xanxus' file on SushiBomb's **_**Classified Information**_**, you're gonna love this one.**

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**Box Weapons**

Did I ever tell you about the time Xanxus nearly snapped Fran's neck?

Well, let me tell you. It was about five years after the Ring Battles when the Varia got the most amazing pet they could ask for, Box Weapons…

The atmosphere that day was tense; but for once it wasn't due to thinly veiled hatred, it was excitement! The box weapons had come in a little over an hour ago in a plain cardboard box. The only reason we knew it was special was because of the whopping green 'V' on the package.

As you can probably guess, the green 'V' stood for Verde. Arcobaleno, yay-hi, traitor, unhealthy interest in mutant flies, you remember him, right? Anyways, he eventually finished his box weapon project and we were the first ones to try it out.

I mean, could you ask for better testers.

Oh! By the way, we had Fran for a while now. Illusionist, yay-hi, pineapple sempai, unhealthy interest in Bel's tiara, you get the picture. EEY! He was so cute, I could just squeeze his little cheeky-weekys – um, excuse me. Hehe, back to the story…

Everyone picked their respective boxes out of the box. I really want to say that they were all awesome and opened them lickety split, but no. It took them four hours to figure it out.

Me, being the Varia's personal consultant, tried to show them about half an hour into the search. But no one listens to the fly! I flew back and forth from their rings to the hole in the boxes 6,042 times _exactly_.

Huh, maybe I should be an athlete. Like Usain Bolt or Micheal Phelps. Oh, I heard that a couple scientists where thinking about hosting an insect Olympics. Something about 'pesticide experimentation'? I don't know, I'm not good with big words, but I wanna do it!

Four hours later, Levi opened his first. Now, I'm not a fan of Levi-a-than per say. I'm not interested in the clingy types, you know what I mean fellas? But I have to say the moment that huge sting ray popped out of his box, he was my hero.

Seriously, I love the Varia, but if I had to go through four more hours of _that_, I was leaving them for Tsuna.

Next, predictably, Bel opened his (I blame it on creepy mind powers)…

"Ushishi~ the prince opened his first. Look and learn, peasants!"

"Actually I opened mine first Bo-"

"Show me how to do that, brat!"

Then Squalo…

"Tch, typical."

I have hunch that he wasn't too surprised that his was a shark.

After him came Lussuria…

"Ooh~, what do you think guys?" *vogues with peacock*

"Why am I not surprised."

Fran…

"Aw, how cruel, now I have to see your ugly face on missions too, sempai."

"Feel blessed, frog."

Xanxus wanted to make an impression so he stood on the table until everyone else went…

"Heh, like a boss."

Once we were all aquainted with the new members of our family, the best part began. The name game.

Levi named his stingray, Ray. Not very creative, but I'm not judging.

Luss named the glowing little peacock, Pooch.

Bel, named his Mink. Now, I don't know how he did it, but in the three minutes that _thing_ was in our home, Belphegor somehow taught it to attack me on sight. The matching hairstyles should have warned me, too bad I didn't see it coming until I turned around to meet its bared teeth. Eh, I need to put the mink on the list of weapons he has used against me…

Squalo named his Alo. It took me a while, but I eventually noticed that 'Alo' is just the last three letters of 'Squalo'. Very sneaky…

Fran named his box weapon, Useful Bel. I attest to that!

Here comes the funny/dangerous part. The fungerous part!

Xanxus named his box weapon, Bester. Nothing weird about that, Xanxus is an arrogant guy, so his box weapon is automatically set as 'the best'. It was all good and dandy until Fran offhandedly commented…

"You know, Bester kind of sounds like bastard."

Silence.

The bruises from Xanxus' headlock took two months to heal. But I'm afraid the mental scars never will.

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**Ahaha! I just had to add in that last sentence. By the way, I have no freakin' clue what Lussuria, Levi, and Fran named their box weapons. So I hope you appreciated my improv. **


	5. Species Interaction

**I don't know about all y'all other authors, but **_**my **_**reviewers are awesome!**

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**Species Interaction**

"Hi there!"

Zzzzzz

"Oh, don't be shy. Look I'll start. My name is Gilbert."

Zzzzzz

"And yours?"

Zzzzzz

"Okaaay."

Zzzzzz

"So whatcha doin' in the Varia kitchens?"

Zzzzzz

"Are you lost?"

Zzzzz

"W-Why are you lookin' at me like that?"

Zzzzzz

"Wh- hey, hey, -hey! That is _not _ok!"

Zzzzz

"You just can't go around touching people with your – wait, where are you going?"

Zzz…

"Where's my apology!?"

…

"Tch, no need to act like a peasant…"

*le gasp*

"What did I just _say_!?"


	6. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Pt 1

**Meh, I'm feeling generous. Enjoy peasants~! –bricked-**

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**Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Pt 1**

I must admit my strong dislike of airports.

They are filled with some of the most rude, inconsiderate, and condescending people I have ever met in my _life_. I've been in my fair share of airports ranging from dingy backyard runways to the most prestigious ones in the country and never have I ever heard a please and thank you. Can you believe it? For example, look at that one over there. Just waltzes up to the front of the coffee line like he owns the place. Those poor souls need caffeine! They have been waiting in line for half an hour and trust me, business suits minus coffee equals flyswatter. Huh. But apparently this gentleman doesn't care at all. And what's with the tiara? What does he think he is, a prince or something? What a snobby…

Oh wait, yep, no, he's with us.

Egotistical assassins aside, there are still plenty of things to irk me around here. Like how it's crowded twenty-four hours a day. We've been in airports at any time of the day you could think of, it comes with the job. There's the confused family of tourists during the day and the stuffy business men at three in the morning.

Ridiculous if you ask me. Maybe I'm just not a people person…PSHT! Hahahaha! Sometimes I just kill myself. Not literally. That would be awful, you know.

But, I have to admit, the snacks around here are heavenly. The pastries are especially delicious. Luss said he was going to get one a couple minutes ago, maybe he'll share…

Did I tell you what we're doing here yet? Hm, guess not. Well, look alive ladies and gentlemen because we're going to Japan! The land of sushi and honor! Won't you take me to, Funkytown! Won't you take me to, Funkytown~!

That is my jam!

Probably shouldn't sing too loudly though. See, I've been put on nap duty just in case someone sneaks up to harm us. Or rather Xanxus, he's the one I'm guarding until everyone comes back with their four am munchies (Fran taught me that word).

I guess to pass the time I could tell you a funny story about Xanxus. It was a cold and stormy night…

The gales relentlessly pounded against the shutters of the dark Varia boss' office. Squalo fidgeted in the chair adjacent his boss. After what seemed like an eternity, a baritone voice addressed him, "Did you get it?" Squalo heavily breathed in and out through his teeth. He averted his eyes when answering, "Uh, you see there was a problem with the delivery so…it didn't…come."

Red eyes regarded the strategy captain coolly, "Excuse me?" Squalo twisted in his chair some more. "Yeah, w-we don't have it, but I swear we have the best of the best in the works to get it for you-"

Xanxus slammed his fist upon his desk, "I don't care. All I know is that I better have it in my hands by midnight or all you scum are dead." The captain quickly nodded his head. "Now get out of my sight."

The captain quickly scurried out of the room, lest the boss decide to not be so merciful. Silence reigned in the office. The Varia boss irritably sighed. "Bester." His young liger leaped up onto his lap. Xanxus let out a small smile and began to stroke his loyal pet. "You are more competent then all of these fools put together." The feline meowed at the praise and cuddled further into the cloak of its master, away from the chilly winds. Xanxus gazed out the large window.

Out towards the forest he could just make out Squalo yelling into the eardrums of about a dozen subordinates. Not much later, they dispersed to carry out the orders. The boss rubbed his chin contemplatively. "That shark better hurry," he checked the clock on the wall that read half past ten, "my patience is running thin."

At eleven fifty-five exactly, Squalo burst into the doors a large package in his arms. He looked exhausted but forced his body to carry him over to the desk where he dropped the box. His boss looked up from his prized pet. "You're late."

The captain quickly whipped his head toward the clock, "I still have five minutes!" The boss pierced him with a red-eyed glare. Giving up on arguing, the strategy captain dropped into the chair. "Look, I got you your stuff. We drove all around the damn town looking for it, but it's here now, okay?" The Varia boss continued to glare, but still moved towards the package.

He gripped the edges and snatched it to his side of the desk, all the while maintaining eye contact with his subordinate. He only returned his glare when cautiously yet hurriedly opening the package. Squalo gulped as he removed the wrapping that he ordered the shop keeper to pile on for fear of somehow damaging the prized possession of his boss.

The Varia boss finished unwrapping the package. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't even glare at the man sitting in front of him. Instead, he shakily reached inside of the box. He pulled out a fluffy baby blue My Little Pony plushie. Closing his eyes, he asked as calmly as he could, "What…is this?"

Eyes wide, Squalo nervously responded, "Y-you ordered that –gulp- didn't you? It was on the form-" "No." Xanxus locked his eyes back onto his subordinate's frightened ones. "I asked for Pinkie Pie."

Squalo's breath froze.

His boss' glare remained locked on his quivering form. "I-I swear the form said Rainbow Dash." The boss took two ends of the pony and slowly tore the stuffed animal in half. He tossed his remains to his liger pup sitting in the corner who eagerly shredded it to unrecognizable bits.

"Do you take me for a fool trash?" Squalo now visibly shook in his chair. His face was the complete picture of dread. "N-no sir." Xanxus' voice remained cool in barely concealed rage, "Then you will go out and get me my Pinkie Pie. Am I understood?" Squalo jumped out of his chair and rapidly nodded, "Yes sir!" Xanxus clenched the ends of his desk. "Now…get out!" He flipped the desk to the other end of the room.

The strategy captain narrowly avoided getting hit by the flying projectile. In a panicked frenzy, he bounded out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Xanxus turned back to his chair and sat down. He crossed his legs and gazed back out towards the raging storm. Moonlight reflected back into his empty office. He rhythmically tapped his fingers against the armrests of his throne.

One day, he thought, one day I will collect them all, and nothing will stop me. I will be the most infamous boss the Vongola has ever seen! He chuckled evilly. He looked towards the remains of the limited-edition Rainbow Dash and laughed harder. Pinkie Pie will be supreme, and the collection will be his alone for the glorifying. "Hahaha…Hahahaha!"

_**O**_

Creepy, right? Yeah, the laughs woke me up late at night, scared me half to death! I had to hear the full story during one of Squalo's rants. You wouIdn't have guessed would you? The big and bad boss of the Varia is a hardcore brony. Say…I have a feeling that I should be doing something important…

"Final boarding call for Namimori, Japan."

Oh yeah! I better hurry. If I miss another flight Squalo will have my head. Sayounara!

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**Whoops! Went over the word count, but was that story worth it or what?**


	7. Chocolate Thieves

**Let's see if my first person skills have improved over time~! **

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**Chocolate Thieves**

Okay, story time.

Hold on. First!

Long time no see~! How ya doin'? Enjoying your summer? I know I've been.

Now that that's out of the way…

You won't believe what happened when Lussuria and Fran-The-Man went out shopping yesterday! Trust me guys, it will blow your mind.

Alrighty so let me begin at the beginning, Luss wanted to bake a cake to celebrate the twenty something or the other anniversary of the Varia. I think. I hadn't exactly been paying keen attention to the announcement. Squalo and I had the Korean soaps on. By the way can you believe that Kim just stepped all over Jeon's heart like that, what a meanie pants.

But it still breaks my heart!

Okay, no tears this time. Whew, I need a magazine to fan my eyes or something because these stubs are really not getting the job done.

Well then – sniff – all better now.

So Luss had planned to make this wonderful, decadent layered red velvet cake. However to complete it, he needed these cute little bon-bon like candies to set on the top in addition to a white chocolate drizzle. Mmm~, oh my good gracious that sounds delicious. Ah, and there are always tons of crumbs after he bakes something. Oh yes I can't wait. Ugh, but he just couldn't find either of them! The kitchen is big and all, but really, they could only be in a cupboard or the fridge and we looked in both of them.

But alas, those wonderful little treats were nowhere to be found.

"Fran honey~, have you seen the chocolates I bought?"

Fran (who was enjoying a vanilla milkshake at the counter/island thingy) answered boredly, "Nope."

Lussuria tapped his lips. "Are you sure, I thought you put them away."

The monotonous teen slowly began collecting his array of magazines into a neat pile. "Sure did."

"Odd." Lussuria looked up in surprise when he noticed Fran cautiously shuffling out of the kitchen. "Well, do you have an idea of where they could be?"

He simply exited the kitchen while automatically announcing, "Prince."

"Hm." The cook simply leaned against the counter confusedly. "Strange." He muttered.

Strange indeed. Fran never really called that narcissist by his acclaimed title unless he was hiding something. But that would just be ridiculous!

Yes.

Well anyway, Fran ended up being drafted to accompany Lussuria (along with myself) on his trip to replace the sweets. I guess it's because the illusionist is an assistant chef of sorts. More of a taste tester to be more accurate, but then again who am I to speak since I am too. Hehe, guilty.

We ended up going to a very popular bakery in downtown Venice. The fairly large shop had a very diverse display of sweets arranged in a long sparkling glass case. So before I noticed, the three of us were sparsely spread along it. I intensely viewing the biscotti (and no, before you ask I did not think about flying around and swiping one of those sweet crunchy delicious crumbs that's stealing; didn't even think about it…maybe), Lussuria presumably examining the necessary chocolates, and Fran…

He stood unsupervised by the brownies.

It wasn't like he was gonna steal them or anything. I mean have you ever been to a legit Italian bakery? They've got better security than The Louvre! Even Fran would have a hard time swiping a pastry from one. Another thing, Fran's a Varia assassin. Do you know how much they get paid? … Me neither actually, hehehe. The cash gets sent straight to their bank accounts. But judging by Xanxus' Maserati collection, it's a whole lot!

So of course since Fran's not a stingy brat like a certain someone (*cough, cough* Belphegor), if he had wanted the little brownie that bad he would've paid for it like a normal person.

The shopkeeper, however, thought otherwise.

"Excuse me, young man?" A homely lady appeared in front of Fran in a flower embroidered apron, a wooden mixing spoon in hand. "Do you see anything you like?"

Fran kept his eyes on the chocolate as he replied. "No."

"Really?" She peered closer to him. "You seem to really like that _cioccolato_ though."

"Mm," he shrugged. "I'm gonna eat some when I leave anyway." At this, the woman's eyes flashed curiously. "When you leave, you say? Is someone buying it for you, a parent or guardian perhaps?"

Fran finally looked up to stare strangely at the woman. "Um, no."

The woman narrowed her eyes and silently walked away. Fran on his part simply rolled his eyes and went on to ogle sweets in a different area.

At the time, I thought nothing of it, and it seemed, neither did Fran. The lady probably was grouching because she didn't get any business out of the "kid". So it definitely came as a surprise when as we were exiting the building, two burly men stepped in front of Fran. Luss and I paused as soon as we noticed.

"Um, is there a problem?" Lussuria asked firstly.

The slightly taller one replied, "We have reason to believe that this one" – here he pointed to Fran – "has stolen several items of merchandise."

Lussuria gasped in horror. "My dear Franny has done no such thing gentlemen, no not in the least!" He regarded the teen intensely. Now I could have sworn _something_ flickered in both of their eyes at that moment. Maybe it was understanding or maybe something else. I couldn't really tell.

But what I do know is that things went very quickly after that. And I'm saying that because Lussuria moves really fast when he's fighting. He immediately took out the first two but (as I said with Italian bakery security) a lot more bulky men in black soon appeared. Somewhere in the chaos Fran literally disappeared.

By now I was seriously panicking. I had even calculated the possibilities of me dialing up Squalo for help. The figures weren't turning out too good, but all of a sudden Fran pulled around in front of the bakery driving the sports car we arrived in. Sensing the gist of the situation, I dove into the car and was quickly followed by Lussuria. For the sake of Hollywood I took the liberty to yell, "DRIVE MAN, DRIVE!"

I don't think he heard me, but you never know, he sure put the pedal to the medal afterwards.

So basically. That's the story of the time I realized that although the Varia is filthy rich, they steal when they want to. When inquired by Squalo, Luss reasoned that he already paid for the expensive chocolates once and he wasn't planning on doing so again.

Hmm.

They still aren't bad guys in my opinion. Agreed?

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**Sorry this comeback is kinda sucky and blunt, I just really wanted to throw something out. Te prometo, the next one will be a whole lot better! And~ it's gonna be uploaded in like an hour~!**


	8. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Pt 2

**Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Pt 2**

So here we are!

…Tokyo, Japan.

Yeah, I know the original plan was to go _straight_ to Namimori.

But there were a couple "minor" setbacks on the airplane that led to a… emergency landing of sorts. Hehehe.

Okay so first of all, when we got on the plane Xanxus fell asleep, instantly. He put his seatbelt on, kicked the seat in front of him for good measure, turned to the window and he just collapsed. I … I'm not sure why he can sleep for so long actually. I mean I just guarded his thirty minute nap in the airport.

Maybe it had something to do with all the liquor he hoards in his office.

Ah well~!

Xanxus was out like a light, and it looked like the flight was gonna go pretty darn well. Lussuria and Leviathan had plopped down in front of an intense action movie, Squalo had settled in with his headset (presumably to listen to some smooth jazz, like a sir), and Bel and Fran broke into an unlikely game of poker. It's a shame Mammon couldn't join us though. He _loves _betting (in an almost unhealthy sort of way). But I think he had some business with a bank or another.

Either way, for the first forty minutes or so, our flight glided on a swift course to success. I even managed to catch a few winks in the overhead cabin.

But of course, peace doesn't really fit the Varia all too well.

Really it was that silly "Prince's" fault. If he hadn't fervently insisted that Fran cheated during poker –

Hold on, can we just take a second to appreciate Fran's amazing pokerface. It bewilders me. It really does. Actually funny story, we went to a casino a couple months back and an issue with card counting arose which was very interesting because it was Belphegor who actually –

Turbulence! Good lord we're all going to die! Please, before I go to that bright tunnel in the sky, send a message to my amigo Walter Luis Hernández down in Spain and tell him…I never forgot about that tomato he stole from me! Oh, what a world!

…

Okay so, great news, we didn't die. Turns out the word "turbulence" does not in fact translate to crash landing and is quite common on flights. Hm, good to know.

Now what on earth was I talking about in the first place…

Oh right, so wannabe royalty over here started stabbing poor Fran which (as in most human beings) caused him to loudly complain (in a still monotonous voice by the way) about his abuse.

"Ah, Bel- Sempai, this hat is made out of real leather; I know it may come as a shock since you're so used to fake, but it's very expensive. You're ruining it."

And from there as you can probably guess, Squalo's relaxation was disturbed and he hissed at the two to…

"Shut up! I can hear you morons through the headset and if you wake up Xanxus he'll kill me, and if he kills me, I'm gonna kill _both_ of you!"

Even I had to blink at his astounding logic.

D-Did you get my sarcasm? Pffft! It's so hilarious I can barely contain my laughter! Really, I don't know how some of you do it all day without cracking up. Kudos, kudos.

Well, as you can guess, after Squalo's outburst the chain reaction train wreck had officially begun. Let's keep it snippy though alright guys. So IN SHORT, this is the flow of events following the poker incident. Chronologically of course.

Xanxus stirred in his sleep.

With a vengeance.

Squalo (visibly) sprouted more grey hairs. Fortunately for him, his naturally platinum hair disguised them fairly well.

Fran and Bel re-alighted their blame game in hopes to soothe the savage beast(s).

Freaky lightning dude jumped over two rows of seats into Squalo's lap in an effort to block the wall of noise from reaching Xanxus.

Said lightning dude received a nose fracture courtesy of a titanium prosthetic.

Lussuria loudly bustled his way to the row also and attempted to staunch his rapidly bleeding nose.

While they had paused their fighting to observe the scene, Bel and Fran decided to sabotage Squalo's efforts to keep Xanxus unconscious. Thus they took turns poking Lussuria's butt with Belphegor's knives.

Surprisingly, disturbingly, and all other synonyms, Lussuria squealed in delight. Loudly.

An abrupt hush washed over the group when Xanxus frowned and grunted in his sleep. Several moments later his face relaxed and the group breathed sighs of relief (and disappointment for some).

Meanwhile a wayward stewardess had gathered enough courage to confront the rowdy passengers. And that didn't go well at all. Miss Stewardess demanded that all return to their assigned seats and relieve any weapons to her. Here she pointedly regarded the main offender.

Belphegor completely ignored her, he even had the gall to stab lightn – Levi is his name! – for fun. So the well-meant lady reached across Fran, who smiled in delight for some reason, to grab frantically at the eluding blades. However all she accomplished was knocking one out of his hand, past Squalo's disbelieving eyes and straight into Xanxus Varia jacket.

Multiple events occurred at that moment like (1) Xanxus prized possession now was pinned to the airplane's interior by Bel's knife (2) That same knife had nicked the skin of the Varia boss' hand (3) The stewardess finally found it in herself to recognize the famous emblem on previously mentioned jacket…

And one more thing happened, what was it…? Oh yeah!

Xanxus woke up.

Now that I think about it, the view must have been pretty strange to wake up to. I mean, for one everyone was staring at him in fear, panic, blankness of the most blank, or evil delight. Then there was the whole Leviathan sitting on Squalo's lap and just Lussuria in general. Poor man probably felt really confused and afraid. Aw, he likely just wanted a hug or a simple explanation maybe. Sadly as I attempted to initiate the latter method, he resorted to his most comfortable response which was to pull out a gun.

Yup. Do I even need to explain how awful things became after that? Long story turned short story turned even shorter story, the pilot nearly crashed the plane into the beautiful blue sea when he heard the gunshots and terrified squeals of his passengers.

Ahh, just another day in the life of moi. But before I leave to seek out Xanxus, Squalo and Belphegor in airport security, I just wanted to let you all know that we will be traveling the rest of our trip by train~! Yay!

Let's not die!

* * *

**Heya guys, this flimsy 1,000 word barrier isn't looking too pretty. So bear with me!**

**But anyhow, tell me what ya think~! And muchas gracias to all the favs, follows, reviews and good ole viewing support! Lots of love to the fandom ;D**


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